‘I’ is not here

Artist: Tamantha Williams

Title:  ‘I’ is not here

Medium: Oil on canvas

Size:  50cm x 50cm x 7cm

Brief synopsis

Firstly a continuation of ‘The Holding Pattern of Delta’ below. Herein lies a woman, one of many but singularly speaks for all. The one who sees herself as here, but truly not here. Buffeted by what is expected and by carnal desires which seem from opposite worlds but in truth are but one. As the weave moves into a seemingly stable pattern of light and darkness, normality seems to set in. “The little sanity that still remains is held together by a sense of order which you establish.  The very fact that you can do this, and bring any order into chaos, shows you that you are not an ego, and that more than an ego must be in you. For the ego is chaos, and if it were all of you, no order at all would be possible.” And so she sits, holding ego in place and ‘more than just ego’, tied down to a pattern set over many lifetimes by many societies in their bid for her soul, her perfection, her veiled behavior to ‘be acceptable’ in the society she made reality.  She knows, ‘I is not here’, she brews in it, yearns for equality, the freedom promised instead of her allegiance to death, a vow made in secret to the ego, all she seems capable of is holding still in the eye of the storm realising she can do nothing, instead of realising she need do nothing. For as she fights her voice gets softer, her wins are losses, and the change presented by those in command, only a guise to the truth of who she is. There is no answer here, only delusion as ‘I is not here’. Her choice should be to learn, to forgive, to join, to love, but this seems impossible in the chaos the ego holds dear, the past it clings to.

But in this and only this her freedom lies: know that ‘I is not here’, that the flesh and bones that seem to keep her pinned in place are but signs of scars the ego implemented to ensure she buys into the chaos, the lie of the disaster she made.

Beautiful women, know this, you may ask what am I? In truth, I is not here.